The other day in a magazine I read a letter that Maggie Tabberer wrote to her younger self. It was full of inspiration and supportive musings, twas little surprised there wasn’t a warning about over use of kaftans and turbans. Thought I might write one to myself, I’m having a little difficulty dealing with the fact that I’m 36 this year – I still feel as though I’m 16, I still feel as though adults treat me like I’m 16 and I wonder what mad person has let me care for their kids for this long….
*ahem* ok here we go
Dear Em,
I’m the future you, well actually you’re the past me, so this is weird and now I’m regretting this idea a little – I wont bore you with details on how we got here, I’ll just get into it
I know you’re considering changing the spelling of you name to appear a little edgier to your friends, firstly, they already know how your name is spelt, so don’t bother, secondly, don’t write your new name all over your CD cases because that shit’s going to haunt you forever and your future husband will take great joy in teasing you mercilessly about how you wrote ‘Emmely’ all over your Violent Femmes CDs…..
School – I know I know – you’re so not interested in anything I have to say about it. I wont lecture you (because I know how much attention you pay to those), but I will just pass on a couple of things that might be useful. College is not going to be your friend, you need structure and the freedom of college doesn’t agree with you. Some things to consider; Your absences are recorded on your report cards – first term it’s ok to not know this –but really there’s no excuse for the terms after this – it really isn’t worth the hassle, especially when all you’re doing is hanging around on College campus anyway??! Don’t quit Maths in year 12 without telling your parents – might be better to let them know before the lack of term report makes them query the competence of the school. Also be thankful that your Dad highlights all the good things in your report before focussing on the negative – that’s a good strategy, although I do know it prolongs the anticipation of the yelling.
Oh and on a good note your Psych teacher will tell you not to bother sitting the exam because you would have to ace it to pass the subject, ignore him. You ace it. (Which actually makes me think, if you apply yourself in class you might do really well, ok yes yes sorry moving into lecture territory.)
Enough about school - there are a few things you need to thank your mother for – as much as you rallied against her and believe me I still remember the silent stand offs in Sportsgirl and Miss Shop where you are holding the black dress and she is holding the floral one – there are a few things you can be thankful for – she’s not going to let you get a hyper colour t-shirt – that’s a plus, no one needs to know when you’re hot under the arm pits. She will not let you use hair spray or a teasing comb on your fringe – trust me, just trust me on this one. However she is going to let you get a perm – try to re-think that one before you go ahead. She is not going to let you wear 4+ pairs of sport socks to high school – again I think she’s onto something there, so don’t fight it. Finally, she’s going to be right when she says wearing old army boots makes you seem a little masculine – keep pushing the line that a pair of Doc Martens are more ladylike, I don’t feel like I worked that as much as I should have and I really think if you go on and on and on about it you could end up with a pair for Christmas 1993 – persistence is the key, she admires persistence……
Here are some things I would like you stay away from if you can – cask wine, clove cigarettes, the 1992 Jacki’s Marsh Forest Festival, Red Earth perfume, 50% of your work Club nights.
Things I would like you to do more of – save your money, attend more classes at college (Shut up!), driving lessons, exercise ( you really are going to end up doing none at all, maybe if you don't quit hockey because it interrupts your weekend vodka drinking we wouldn’t have this problem now….), travel (further than Melbourne).
Oh wow I didn’t even get to inappropriate workplace behaviours, length of skirts when going out, guidelines for vodka usage and laughing inappropriately at marriage proposals – I might have to do a second letter to early 20s you/me another time.
Best of luck with it all, you turn out ok - Chin up (no really you have a tendency towards double chins – keep the chin up and don’t allow short people to take pics of your face)
Sincerest best wishes, Em/Me/You.
Ps: Yes, you will end up sounding like your parents.
Pps: stay away from boys called Chris or Mathew (yes one 't' - be on the look out)
Ppps: I've only just realised the Psych teacher totally reverse psyched me! Man he was good!
