Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Forget about it....... (please?)

Something really embarrassing happened to me at work today, I was called into the meeting room but not given a reason why, when I asked what was going on someone said the word ‘flowers’, Seeing as I am actually leaving on Thursday, I immediately got up and said something like ‘oh no, I’m not really leaving I’m just going to another office’ to which I was told they weren’t for me but for a colleague who is returning...... did I go red? You betcha.

It was such a ‘Phil’ from Modern Family moment, there really wasn’t any coming back from it – then I had to look at that perky bunch of gerberas and re-live the humiliation over and over and over.....

I thought surely most people will forget about it, I’m the only one dwelling on it and burning with self centred shame every time I think about it. But then I remembered, all the embarrassing things other people have done that I totally remember and regularly tell others about

A over T girl with the big bottom. I didn’t know her but after pushing past me whilst talking loudly with business like intent on her mobile, I was in the right spot to see stockings and knickers when she went down like a tonne of bricks, adding to the moment her mobile phone scuttled across the pavement and into the gutter. She was so embarrassed she definitely did not want help, she just wanted to get up, run and hope that would mean it didn’t happen. But I still see that ginormous rear end and splayed out arms on the pavement in my minds eye and can’t help but have a little snort and when I remember hearing ‘Gayle.... Gayle.... are you there’ coming from the gutter I’m in total fits.

Vomitting new girl at work drinks. Sure being the new kid sucks, but being the new kid that hasn’t drunk alcohol before and downs a myriad of vodka filled drinkies at an open bar is no way to endear yourself to your colleagues, especially if it ends up with you hugging a toilet and crying about how many peas you vommed up in front of your manager. Nothing says ‘Commited to Excellence’ like being carried to a taxi with your toes dragging along the ground

Bursting the bubble. I was not there to see this but my sister in law had consumed a few glasses of bubbly at a wedding and was feeling chatty, introduced herself to another lady and being the mum of a toddler excitedly congratulated her on being pregnant. Only she wasn’t. My brother stepped back quietly and ran away, leaving her there to talk about how unseasonably hot it had been lately.

Hate that name. In Primary school my friend and I were talking with her Mum about names and what names we would hate to be called, we went through the normal embarrassing ones and then I said ‘My Dad wanted to call me Ruth – oh my god, Ruth could you imagine it?’ to which her Mum answered ‘Yes I can, Mine did’. *sound of distant crickets whilst I surmised her name was Ruth* I was only 11 and I could have died, it’s not really all that embarrassing but was the first real social faux pas I committed, still makes me shudder with shame.

Dude, where’s my family? when I was about 10 we were waiting in the supermarket car park for my Dad. After about 5 minutes this strange man jumped in turned the key, mumbled something about long line and then turned to look at my mother. Wrong Car. A white Ford Falcon two spots down had a bunch of kids with confused faces pressed against the window, mouthing ‘What are you doing Dad?’. My Mum, god love her, just sat there mouth agape. The man was super embarrassed and apologetic. I was left wondering what would have happened if he drove off, how long before Mum was going to say something???

I’m not sure if I have any chance of my colleagues forgetting my moment this morning, but at the very least I am now expecting a bunch of flowers.

I have to go run around in a circle and shake my hands it’s the only way to make the embarrassment stop!

(Gayle..... Gayle..... are you there..... bahahahahahahahaha)