Reason 1
To be continued.......
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Coming soon....
Reasons why you should only write your blog when your children are in bed.
Reason 1
To be continued.......
Reason 1
To be continued.......
Checking the watch, waiting for 2011
New Years resolutions are a jip. They don’t mean squat – they’re generally thought up about half an hour before 01 Jan and in the midst of a margherita induced enthusiasm.
This year I will live by commandments, but not 10 because that would be far too long to read – but 6. Six is a good round number.
They will be meaningful and make sense to my everyday life. They will cover the 5 main ‘food groups’ of life; love, family, money, sustenance and the internet.
Let me begin;
Thou shalt allow the wee ones to make some of their own decisions – it’s time to let go, they are 4 and 2 now – they have minds of their own – if they want to wear their PJs all day who am I to argue, Yoghurt for every meal? I’m in! Want to learn how to drive? Don’t ask your Father.
Thou shalt spend more ‘quality’ time with the husband – in 2011 I will no longer consider joint reading of the wee ones bedtime story as ‘quality couple time’, I will not consider scrolling through Coles online picking out the groceries as romantic, snapping my shoulder back into joint is not a massage and intimacy does not mean plucking my eyebrows in the bathroom mirror whilst he showers. That is all I will say on this – as I’m pretty sure my mother may read it one day.
Thou shalt not buy unnecessary items of clothing for the wee ones – next year I refuse to be sucked in by;
‘Spend $150 and get free postage’
‘10% off your 50th item’
‘Buy one get one completely useless accessory free’
‘We’ve got pretty things, lots of pretty things here lady with a credit card come here, chook chook chook chook……’
Thou shalt not commit to any detox, cleanse, weightloss challenge, dietry reform, exercise regime, soup/fruit/cheese/tinned tomato/gin only diets UNLESS I am coerced into signing a legally binding agreement. Nuff said.
Thou shalt not cyber stalk B grade celebrities anymore – come on we all do it – 2010 was the year for cyber scandal – how can you not spend time looking up twitter accounts, Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, Fingerpost (ok I made that last one up – but it’s good huh?). Excuse me a minute, I just need to get one last read of Kim Duthie’s blog in before I give it all up……
Thou shalt never use the term ‘Thou shalt’ again.
The end,
Happy New Year have a blasting 2011.
E
xx
This year I will live by commandments, but not 10 because that would be far too long to read – but 6. Six is a good round number.
They will be meaningful and make sense to my everyday life. They will cover the 5 main ‘food groups’ of life; love, family, money, sustenance and the internet.
Let me begin;
Thou shalt allow the wee ones to make some of their own decisions – it’s time to let go, they are 4 and 2 now – they have minds of their own – if they want to wear their PJs all day who am I to argue, Yoghurt for every meal? I’m in! Want to learn how to drive? Don’t ask your Father.
Thou shalt spend more ‘quality’ time with the husband – in 2011 I will no longer consider joint reading of the wee ones bedtime story as ‘quality couple time’, I will not consider scrolling through Coles online picking out the groceries as romantic, snapping my shoulder back into joint is not a massage and intimacy does not mean plucking my eyebrows in the bathroom mirror whilst he showers. That is all I will say on this – as I’m pretty sure my mother may read it one day.
Thou shalt not buy unnecessary items of clothing for the wee ones – next year I refuse to be sucked in by;
‘Spend $150 and get free postage’
‘10% off your 50th item’
‘Buy one get one completely useless accessory free’
‘We’ve got pretty things, lots of pretty things here lady with a credit card come here, chook chook chook chook……’
Thou shalt not commit to any detox, cleanse, weightloss challenge, dietry reform, exercise regime, soup/fruit/cheese/tinned tomato/gin only diets UNLESS I am coerced into signing a legally binding agreement. Nuff said.
Thou shalt not cyber stalk B grade celebrities anymore – come on we all do it – 2010 was the year for cyber scandal – how can you not spend time looking up twitter accounts, Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, Fingerpost (ok I made that last one up – but it’s good huh?). Excuse me a minute, I just need to get one last read of Kim Duthie’s blog in before I give it all up……
Thou shalt never use the term ‘Thou shalt’ again.
The end,
Happy New Year have a blasting 2011.
E
xx
Monday, December 20, 2010
Just a quick one.....
5 random Christmas observations
1. Glitter. Glitter is not a Christmas decoration. You cannot glue a bunch of that shit on some green cardboard and call it Christmassy ok? There is nothing Christmassy about a potential eye injury
2. Christmas driving – road rules do not apply in the month of December – it is WAY more important to get to the shopping centre and find a park closest to the door than to observe the road rules that pertain to the rest of the months. Plus red and green are Christmas colours – who am I to say which one is go or stop in December?
3. Christmas drinks – somehow they are way more potent than normal drinks. Buy yourself a beer and be careful because that sucker is twice as strong if you’re wearing a silly hat or some tinsel. So don’t be surprised if you end up singing ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ with your work colleagues whilst standing on a table. Don’t even get me started on Christmas hangovers – beastly!
4. Christmas spirit – comes in many forms, but none quite like the over zealous super excited check out lady in Big W/Target/K-mart – you need to bottle that stuff lady – I cannot understand how you manage to wear those dangly flashing earrings let alone be seen out in public in them – good on you, but please stop giving my kids candy canes, it gives them hyperactive indigestion.
5. Christmas shopping fever – the inability to stop yourself from buying random stocking fillers for the wee ones or spending up online because there is only one more shipping day before Christmas. It’s an affliction – but I am having to say to myself; ‘E, they’re going to love it, but where the hell are they going to put it?’
Ding ding merrily on high, Christmas fever has hit in our house – I love it, I hate it, I always want more of it.
To my amazing 4 followers – thank you! Have a very super lovely Christmas and I’ll be back into it before New Years to outline my 2011 ‘Commandments’ (because New Years Resolutions are jinxed....)
E
xx
1. Glitter. Glitter is not a Christmas decoration. You cannot glue a bunch of that shit on some green cardboard and call it Christmassy ok? There is nothing Christmassy about a potential eye injury
2. Christmas driving – road rules do not apply in the month of December – it is WAY more important to get to the shopping centre and find a park closest to the door than to observe the road rules that pertain to the rest of the months. Plus red and green are Christmas colours – who am I to say which one is go or stop in December?
3. Christmas drinks – somehow they are way more potent than normal drinks. Buy yourself a beer and be careful because that sucker is twice as strong if you’re wearing a silly hat or some tinsel. So don’t be surprised if you end up singing ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ with your work colleagues whilst standing on a table. Don’t even get me started on Christmas hangovers – beastly!
4. Christmas spirit – comes in many forms, but none quite like the over zealous super excited check out lady in Big W/Target/K-mart – you need to bottle that stuff lady – I cannot understand how you manage to wear those dangly flashing earrings let alone be seen out in public in them – good on you, but please stop giving my kids candy canes, it gives them hyperactive indigestion.
5. Christmas shopping fever – the inability to stop yourself from buying random stocking fillers for the wee ones or spending up online because there is only one more shipping day before Christmas. It’s an affliction – but I am having to say to myself; ‘E, they’re going to love it, but where the hell are they going to put it?’
Ding ding merrily on high, Christmas fever has hit in our house – I love it, I hate it, I always want more of it.
To my amazing 4 followers – thank you! Have a very super lovely Christmas and I’ll be back into it before New Years to outline my 2011 ‘Commandments’ (because New Years Resolutions are jinxed....)
E
xx
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The 12 days of Christmas (and it's only the 7th.....)
I’m in love with Christmas – I would marry it in a heartbeat and pop out a thousand Christmas present babies if I could. It is indeed my favourite time of year – but this year I’ve come across a new phenomenon. The Christmas Spirit of the Toddler & Infant. They like Christmas too. They have different ideas which tend to revolve around ruining mine. They want to be in charge. I say no..... but can I stop it?
On the first day of Christmas I decided yes great, exciting let’s get the kids gee’d up about Chrissie, round up the Christmas books, pop on your Santa hat, get out the photo albums, lets talk and talk some more about Christmas. When the wee ones finally calmed down and stopped with the ‘Is it tonight? is it tonight?’ they went to bed at about 10.30pm. At approximately 10.32 I made the sage decision to next year perhaps wait until the week before Christmas to begin the Gee up.
On the Second day of Christmas the tree went up and came back down and went back up, the decorations were hung all on one side and the tears began as certain individuals found it a little difficult to understand that Mummy has final say on presentation and the laws of gravity tend to prevail.
On the Third day of Christmas the Advent calendar started to wear a little thin – I really really really don’t want to get up at 5am to all stand around and marvel at the freddo frog retrieved from the little pocket. Note to self – next year no chocolate before 7am, too late for this year the precedent has been set.
On the Fourth day of Christmas I began to mentally calculate the cost of all the ‘little presents’ that have to be purchased for various Child care centre parties and secret santas and random giving trees. At this rate I’m not going to have any money left to purchase the real presents (who am I kidding you totally know I bought them all in July.....) and the kids will have ‘present burn out’ before the big day. But worse, I realise that I’m getting all these gifts back so I need to make them useful or relevant – what was I thinking buying the ‘stacks o plastic little tiny things that get everywhere’ just because they come in an awesome Christmassy box???
On the Fifth day of Christmas the indiscriminate crying attacks began. Through a fog of confuddlement I comforted the wee ones as they choked and snorted about weird and inexplicable events. It took a while for me to connect the dots back to the early morning Freddo and the over use of the Myer Christmas carol CDs. Apparently you can have too much Christmas spirit and it can overflow and become a powder keg of emotion that can easily be sparked off by the dulcid tones of some crooner belting out 'White Christmas'
On the 6th day of Christmas we took the day off.
On the 7th day of Christmas the warnings of ‘Father Christmas is watching you know...’ met their unfortunate end as the older wee one declared he did not give a feshizzle (not his exact words) – I mean he had all these gifts already from the advent calendar and the Christmas parties and the people in the supermarket handing out noise toys and balloons.... I’ve lost control! I have created a mini Grinch!
So we’re going back to basics – imagine a scene where a big wall hanging advent calendar is rolled up and poking out of the rubbish bin, the dog is using a very flat Christmas tree as a lovely bed, wrapped presents are laid out in the street for people to help themselves to.
There’ll be no turkey, there’ll be no Ham – take down the lights, fold up the cardboard Father Christmas in his sleigh scene with the alternate flashing green and red lights and shiny Rudolph nose, carefully place the bejewelled baby Jesus back in his manger special edition box – Christmas is DONE!
Oh god, I’m totally kidding, can’t wait until 5am tomorrow to see what’s in the advent calendar............
*sniff* love you Christmas......
On the first day of Christmas I decided yes great, exciting let’s get the kids gee’d up about Chrissie, round up the Christmas books, pop on your Santa hat, get out the photo albums, lets talk and talk some more about Christmas. When the wee ones finally calmed down and stopped with the ‘Is it tonight? is it tonight?’ they went to bed at about 10.30pm. At approximately 10.32 I made the sage decision to next year perhaps wait until the week before Christmas to begin the Gee up.
On the Second day of Christmas the tree went up and came back down and went back up, the decorations were hung all on one side and the tears began as certain individuals found it a little difficult to understand that Mummy has final say on presentation and the laws of gravity tend to prevail.
On the Third day of Christmas the Advent calendar started to wear a little thin – I really really really don’t want to get up at 5am to all stand around and marvel at the freddo frog retrieved from the little pocket. Note to self – next year no chocolate before 7am, too late for this year the precedent has been set.
On the Fourth day of Christmas I began to mentally calculate the cost of all the ‘little presents’ that have to be purchased for various Child care centre parties and secret santas and random giving trees. At this rate I’m not going to have any money left to purchase the real presents (who am I kidding you totally know I bought them all in July.....) and the kids will have ‘present burn out’ before the big day. But worse, I realise that I’m getting all these gifts back so I need to make them useful or relevant – what was I thinking buying the ‘stacks o plastic little tiny things that get everywhere’ just because they come in an awesome Christmassy box???
On the Fifth day of Christmas the indiscriminate crying attacks began. Through a fog of confuddlement I comforted the wee ones as they choked and snorted about weird and inexplicable events. It took a while for me to connect the dots back to the early morning Freddo and the over use of the Myer Christmas carol CDs. Apparently you can have too much Christmas spirit and it can overflow and become a powder keg of emotion that can easily be sparked off by the dulcid tones of some crooner belting out 'White Christmas'
On the 6th day of Christmas we took the day off.
On the 7th day of Christmas the warnings of ‘Father Christmas is watching you know...’ met their unfortunate end as the older wee one declared he did not give a feshizzle (not his exact words) – I mean he had all these gifts already from the advent calendar and the Christmas parties and the people in the supermarket handing out noise toys and balloons.... I’ve lost control! I have created a mini Grinch!
So we’re going back to basics – imagine a scene where a big wall hanging advent calendar is rolled up and poking out of the rubbish bin, the dog is using a very flat Christmas tree as a lovely bed, wrapped presents are laid out in the street for people to help themselves to.
There’ll be no turkey, there’ll be no Ham – take down the lights, fold up the cardboard Father Christmas in his sleigh scene with the alternate flashing green and red lights and shiny Rudolph nose, carefully place the bejewelled baby Jesus back in his manger special edition box – Christmas is DONE!
Oh god, I’m totally kidding, can’t wait until 5am tomorrow to see what’s in the advent calendar............
*sniff* love you Christmas......
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