Case of the Whiskey Sours....

You now that song “Its the end of the world as we know it” by REM?  That crazy mother has been swimming around in my head like no ones business after getting pissed at a really rude shop attendant.

You know when you wish you could zing someone and you think of it 2 to 3 hours later or even worse only 5 minutes later in the car and it just wouldn’t be right to run back down and blurt it out with your hands on your hips nodding your head.... haven’t done that before.....

In my ragey drive home ‘It’s the end of the week as we know it and I need wiiiiiiiiiiine’ was going around in my head, along with some other choice words.  Then I thought how awesome would it have been if I had burst into song and totally gleeked it up –

I couldn’t help but rewrite some of the verses to suit my requirements.  Suffice it to say I’ll never win an Aria but I do feel fine now it’s all out!

(You may have to youtube the song to remember it, I’ve taken it from the second verse.....)

Check out chicks got the power, got yourself a case of sours. Ignore rude question spurn, in hell you hope she burns, remember tight lip grin, infuriating, head turning, price checking, grudge getting. Trolley doesn’t want to escalate, emotive agitate, watch the handle, check my motive, stop the frown stop the frown, what? My confidence, crushed, oh no don’t call me dear couldn’t you hear? A torment, a torment, a torment of whys?  Gonna give her a contusion, forgot my aperitifs, my patience unwinds

It's the end of the week as we know it.
It's the end of the week as we know it.
It's the end of the week as we know it and I need wine.........

The other night I dreamt of wives, living up their separate lives. Sipping cocktails in the (checkout) line, The Blenheim, Ruby Duchess, Grey Goose, Harvey Wallbang(er), you awful nasty, bitch face, check out chick boom! You sarcastic, simplistic damn bum head, right? RIGHT

It's the end of the week as we know it.
It's the end of the week as we know it.
It's the end of the week as we know it and I need wine.........

Sorry for getting that song stuck in your head. 

Oh and suck on it check out chick....

Catch youse – gotta go set up a flash mob at random supermarket in not to be mentioned suburb....... (check your facebook invites.....)

A mild Autumn day....

I was just watching a documentary on Australian Bikie gangs, where the journalist and some of the bikies were imploring the community to see them as just normal people, no different to you or I. To that I say;

But you look like scary mother fuckers!? ??

I’m sure the media has a lot to do with their bad reputation, their clearly poor reporting of violent drive by shootings and the way they focus on the big hairy tattooed ones is utterly inappropriate.....

But still, they do look like scary mother fuckers......

Before you start going red in the face and shouting words like ‘Judgemental’ ‘Conclusion jumper’ and ‘Jingoism-ist’ (I just learnt that word!) at me, I have a story to tell you, it’s my story, a story about the day I came face to face with a bikie or two.

It was a mild Autumn day in Autumn, an ill wind was blowing and the clouds had moved in front of the sun, there was an eerie silence that could only mean one thing.......

Ok no seriously - I was walking past legal aid one day with my $5 lunch time pasta special in hand. A couple of large bikie men, with dark glasses and an inordinate amount of denim on were standing outside. They were smoking and observing the passing foot traffic. I hastened my step a little, wanting to get past quickly before they drew out their sawn off shot guns....... I should have remained calm however, because the pointy toe of my shoe got stuck in the cobblestone and I fell completely flat on my face.

My red pasta sauce splattered everywhere, my sunglasses scuttled up the street, one lens popping out and I really really hurt my knee. I’d been taken down.

Once the dust settled and as the embarrassment started to jab at my insides like a red hot poker, I was assisted to my feet.

Who was it that helped me? Was it my colleague who was walking up the street with me? No, she was too busy doubled over laughing. Was it the suits that were walking in the opposite direction? No, they quite literally stepped over me.

It was the two burly bikers. They stopped what they were doing and helped me up, one walked the short distance up the road to retrieve my sunglasses whilst the other held my arm and asked me if I was ok.

Shame.

I was utterly shamed.

A timely yet painful reminder to never judge a book by its cover.

So why are you telling us this Emily? Well I guess the thing is there are bad apples in every barrel, but ultimately I believe you should only judge people by the way they treat you.

So Biker 1 and Biker 2, I will never forget you, may the roads stretch ahead of you and the denim always be in plentiful supply. I’m sorry you look like such scary mother fuckers cause I really think alot of your troubles would be solved if your club approved material was terry towelling and the compulsory headgear was a jaunty sun visor.

Just saying....