Thursday, March 6, 2014

Fifteen


Fifteen (15) years – we have been married for 15 years, I can’t quite really comprehend how much time that is and it’s not that I didn't think we would make it to 15 years, I just didn't really  think about it full stop.  Our totes (which wasn't a word back then unless you were talking about multiple short handled bags) ‘strayan honeymoon in Bali was all I was thinking about when I got married!

Of course anyone who has been married for a half of a third of a century would have some sage wedding day advice to give out;  so to any soon to be brides all I can say is make sure your bridesmaids are well versed in hovering near you with a full drink AT ALL TIMES.

The Traditional gift for a 15 year anniversary is crystal.  It’s not really my thing, (although possibly 15 years ago in the form of a nice dream catcher or sun prism…….) I wracked my brain for ideas for Simon, only came up with Cristal Champagne, which I promptly did not buy.  I have to admit I have my concerns about his idea of what properly represents crystal, half expecting a ‘lady of the night’ called Crystal to knock on the door later on, all in the name of spicing things up a little (I’ll get back to you on that one).

Being a child bride when I was married (seriously, 15 years ago I said……) I was very naïve I think about how relationships worked, it’s taken a long time for both of us to work out that we can’t bend the other persons will or break it to suit our own purposes, although Simon’s acceptance that I will use the credit card to buy new shoes on a bi weekly basis has been very good for our marriage, very therapeutic in many ways…..

I am by no means an expert on relationships or marriage itself, I've just been who I am and grown up a bit, so the below is not meant to be an authoritative or definitive list of what makes a marriage work – it’s merely observations I have made over the past 15 years.

15 things I've learned about marriage, whilst married......


  1. Ego is a dirty word.  So is ‘budget’ ‘reduce’ ‘temporary’ and ‘clean-out’
  2. List making can be annoying to your partner if they’re not a list maker
  3. Giving pets the names you would give your children then limits the amount of names you can agree upon in the future
  4. You can actually go to sleep angry – in fact sometimes it’s for the best……
  5. Pretending to like Mint Slice biscuits can only last so long
  6. Men do have feelings, they store them underneath their smallest toenail.  That is also why they cry so much when they stub their toe.
  7. Life is not a soap opera – the story does not pause for 24 hours to simply return to the same spot.  If you want something, ask for it – gazing into the distance  with misty eyes wont help
  8. No one is as vulnerable as a man ironing in the nude
  9. Having a husband that is totally supportive of you whilst hungover and provides all manner of fried foods, energy drinks and child free sleep time is PRICELESS, priceless I tell you
  10. Really bad smells are more bearable if you breathe through your mouth
  11. Folding towels the correct way is not common sense to everyone
  12. Not reciprocating that hangover supportive thing doesn’t make you a bad person
  13. Letting someone else speak sometimes can actually offer some insight, even if what they’re saying is completely ridiculous and so wrong it makes your eyes water
  14. Having children does change your relationship.  Sharing a bed with a minor will do that. 
  15. Love can last beyond a decade, past arguments, through sleepless nights, survive bouts of hangry mood swings or self-indulgent body shape rants and ignore the worst of bodily functions.  If you want it to.


I do want to say though, that over the years we have seen friends or family break up or divorce. It has been very painful to watch and really heartbreaking to go through, if anything it’s made us realise how very lucky we are and we would assert to not take each other for granted.  It’s easy to forget that sometimes.

I would also like to acknowledge my beloved family and friends who are not ‘allowed’ to get married, may all the above prepare you for what you’ll be getting yourself in for in the not too distant future!  It will happen.

I wasn't allowed to do a speech at my own wedding, something that really grinds my gears to this day, so this is part wedding speech, part Oscars acceptance, part ode to my one beloved and best friend in the whole wide world ever.

x