This morning I was in a minor car accident, totally random, totally out of nowhere. When it happened I sat there confused for a little bit, I was even embarrassed that it had happened, not that it was my fault, but it seemed embarrassing to think someone may have seen me bounce around like a little dodgem car, head bobbling back and forward, car all wobbly!
My air bags didn’t go off, but I was lucky enough to have some safety equipment on my person that I’m thinking of patenting. I hit my head on the headrest and truly believe that my back combed beehive saved me from a potential acquired brain injury. The soft underside cushioned my skull whilst the lacquered outer of the ‘do’ cracked like a bike helmet……. My kids will now be sporting mini beehives for the rest of their lives, Schwarzkopf will be applied liberally to heads before departure from this house. Beehives hey? Who’d have thought? Not only totally amazing hair dos but a radical safety apparatus too.
After a near death experience it’s apparently normal to ponder your own mortality and the bigger questions of the universe. For me I had niggling long term unanswered questions flash through my mind at point of impact;
‘Why are there such things as weight loss books, shouldn’t a pamphlet be enough, stop procrastinating and just get the point of it’
‘If no one is using the colour function on the printer why does the yellow always run out? Who’s secretly printing lots of yellow stuff?’
‘Why when you break a big bank note does the change just magically dissolve over the next 24 hours?’
‘HOLD on STOP!’ I can hear you saying, ‘ But Emily, your car was stationery, the other car was going approximately 10 to 15 kilometres an hour, what on earth are you talking about, that’s as near death as a deep paper cut or hair dye in your eye??!!’
Well, with much indignation, to that I say………. Yes, true but it does make you think about what it would be like to have a near death experience and after watching a cheesecake slide quickly off your passenger seat and in slow motion fall onto the floor right way up and fully in tact, it makes you wonder if some awesome sugar fairy or dessert god is watching over you and giving you the nod of further approval.
I can feel your incredulous looks right now, so ok, it was a minor accident, but gosh it was loud and I was so shaken that I laughed like a maniac with the inattentive driver that rear ended me. I’ve been feeling a little strange all day because of it, I ate half an orange and poppyseed cake for afternoon tea (who am I kidding, that’s totally normal after any stressful event….. or ordinary day)
The whole unfortunate even has really changed my perspective on safe driving. I wasn’t doing anything wrong and I ended up with a flat hair do and a sore neck for my troubles, it must be awful to be involved in something higher impact than that.
Driving home I think I got over 20 kilometres an hour once, I gave way like no ones business, sounded my horn when rounding corners of any kind, I kept a safe distance of 500 metres from the car in front . People were waving arms and flashing their lights in appreciation of the reminder to drive safely!
So to the people taking the time to read this, I ask that over the Easter break you especially take the time to please drive carefully and safely. If you’re travelling long distances make sure you back comb yourself a large beehive and lacquer it into place.
Happy Easter and Happy travels everyone.
Ps: Sorry to Morphy for using the word pamphlet…….
Pps: Would you buy something called the 'Beesife' (say it like 'bee sayyyyfe' - get it? no? needs more work? BeeSafetyhairdo just seems OTT....
Gawd bless you, E, that's all I can say.
ReplyDeleteI shall send Louis over your way, once I'm finished with him. It's the least I can do after the day you've had. You're welcome...