Top 10 things I've learnt this week

I had a birthday this week. It wasn’t a milestone but I’ve never felt this disturbed by a birthday before.

I have nothing more to say apart from the learnings I wish to share from this week;

1) If you do not drive an automatic vehicle but hire one for a week whilst your manual vehicle is in the shop, you should remember that the little letter ‘N’ does not stand for ‘Normal ‘Driving. That high pitched whirring scream is the car you’re in and you aren’t going anywhere until you move it into ‘D’

2) Turning 36 is a mind fuck. No two ways about it and I can’t describe it any other way. I’m spent. I’m on the downward slide to 40

3) 40 is not the new twenty, fuck off everyone. It’s just not.

4) Attending your first parent teacher interview is nerve wracking enough, having to sit on midget sized chairs and bend your legs sideways to fit under the table does not give you any kind of upper hand. You’re the teachers bitch.

5) Chlorophyll shots every morning does not make you friends with people you share the ‘facilities’ with.

6) It will take one week of continuous viewing to get through 232 episodes of The Flying Doctors. I’m willing....

7) Delta Goodrem is loathsome – I can’t even remember what benign songs she used to sing, but her appearance on ‘The Voice’ has me shouting foul mouth sentences at the screen. Stop.Pretending.To.Have.Rhythm.And.Style.

8) The realisation a good healthy diet and regular exercise maintains weight and wellbeing is too much like being in the midst of a mid life crisis and makes you want to drink more and eat a pack of Tim Tams for tea.

9) I’m never going to win the Sunrise $10k Cash give away if I don’t ring in but I don’t want to ring in just in case I win and people realise I watch Sunrise...

10) I’ve got it pretty bloody good, I have a loving husband, 2 gorgeous kids and am on the way to being the person I want to be - living independently of an aged care facility – I’ll take it for as long as I can